We’ve been seated here for what feels like hours. The only sound is his ragged breathing and the ticking of my roommate’s old clock.
I call out his name but it’s like he’s deaf or something. He doesn’t realize that I can’t stand to be near him because all I want to do is to jump his bones.
I know the Bible says the temptations thrown at me I will be able to handle (paraphrasing here). But I cannot handle this, I repeat, CANNOT HANDLE THIS LORD. Do you hear me?
But why does he have to look so good!?
I’m done with this uncomfortable silence.
“Zack,” I call out, again but he’s either not hearing me or he’s ignoring me.
Oh kay……time to pull out the big guns.
“Isaac!” I snap. His head whips up at the sound of his full name. He looks at me with narrowed eyes. He hates his full name.
“What do you want to talk about?” I all but growl. I don’t mean to sound angry but being near him and not being able to touch him……well it sucks, it sucks balls (I’m so sorry God)
“Last night……” he starts. Then he looks away, biting those lips of his. His soft-as-pillow lips.
I have two options here; make it easy for him, or make it hard…….Urhm well make the situation hard, that is……I chose hard. Hell, him biting his lips like that wasn’t making this easy.
“What about last night?” I ask when it becomes clear he’s not going to elaborate.
Kudos Di, your voice sounds so normal.
“Di, babe-” I wince at that,”last night was awesome, so awesome, but sheeeeit!”
He looks so frustrated, I just want to hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright. Damn, I even missed his swearing. The way he exaggerates the word shit. I’m not supposed to, Lord knows I’m not supposed……
Another unbearable bout of silence. I need to go find a church now, because the longer I’m in his presence, the dirtier my thoughts get and the heavier the guilt. I don’t think Pastor Okafor would enjoy listening to all the things I’d like to do to Zack. Or maybe he would….wait what am I saying, this is a Man-a-Gad (read: man of God) wouldn’t do that, would he?
I sigh. Its obvious he’s having some sort of inner battle that I’m not privy to and I really need to get a move on, otherwise, Lord, I will not be responsible for my actions.
“Isaac really, we don’t have to do this, I have to go, last night was a one off.”
OMG, I sound so normal and not as shaky as I feel. Clearly, God is on my side.
He looks at me…
“Diana, I’m sorry, ” he sighs.
Wait, why is he sorry? I look at him, the puzzlement must have been written on my face because he shakes his head and sighs.
Two more minutes of excruciating silence.
“Di, May is pregnant,” he finally says. It doesn’t sink in at first.
“I came here to tell you last night but then we got to talking and then we were not talking,” he smiles slightly at that memory, “and God I missed you and I’m sorry, but May is pregnant.”
His words are tripping out, like the wind is chasing them out of his mouth.
“May is….what?” I ask stupidly. He looks at me pained. No, not pained, constipated.
I take a deep breath, I have to keep calm. And ask the question I dread the answer to.
“What does May being pregnant have to do with you?”
He takes a deep breath and breaks my heart with next words he says. Three little words, just three.
“It is mine.”
The rage I am barely holding on to then spills over.
“WHAT THE HELL ZACK! YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER!?!?”
And I was doing so good with the being calm